ABOUT MARRIAGE - Part 2

Teachable Woman Podcast

About Marriage – Part 2

Reverend Michele Owes and Tamara Johnson

Reverend Michele Owes: [00:00:00] Welcome. Welcome back to the Teachable Woman Podcast. This is Reverend Michelle Owes. I'm excited to be with you today. I am with Tamara Johnson of Tam I Am, and together we are Teachers of Good Things. Tamara, say hello to our podcast family.

Tamara Johnson: Hello, podcast family. I am excited to be back with you discussing the marriage state once again.

Reverend Michele Owes: Amen. Okay. Well, the last time we were together, we talked about, uh, we came from Genesis. We said we should start at the beginning, and the beginning of marriage was in Genesis chapter number two, where man was to leave his father and his mother and to cleave to his wife. We talked about the fact that they were together, they were naked and not ashamed, meaning that it was timeout for the games, and it was timeout for the deceit, and it was timeout [00:01:00] to try to look like, you know, you in control of your feelings and ain't nobody going to have no hold of you.

All of that, all of that should've been taken care of before you much the altar, but naked and not ashamed. We going to be real, we going to be honest, and we're going to care for one another.

Tamara Johnson: Whoo!

Reverend Michele Owes: talked about the fact that, um, if you're having problems with your husband's leadership, we ask you to just examine yourself to see if it was followship rather than leadership.

And oftentimes women have been on their own for long periods of time. They've just been making it happen on their own, and now that there is a husband man in the picture, we want the husband part, but maybe don't wanna let him be the man who's the head of the household. Um, and so we still wanna make our own decisions.

We still wanna do our own things, but when we close the door at night, we just wanna have a husband. And so we're [00:02:00] learning that it may not be his leadership that is the problem. It could be our followship, and we ask each person to just examine themselves as this relates to that. Today we're going to be talking about his heart versus his hand in relationships.

You know, Tamara, there's this thing now where, uh, women are expecting men to buy them the world or provide the world for them,

Tamara Johnson: Well,

Reverend Michele Owes: and some of them don't necessarily want to work, don't want to,

Tamara Johnson: yes,

Reverend Michele Owes: help build this, uh, marriage and build this relationship and build the assets. They just want to receive the assets.

And let's talk about that for just a minute. What's your thought? What you much say?

Tamara Johnson: I believe that this, um, these thoughts have come from us sitting [00:03:00] up watching this TV.

Reverend Michele Owes: Mm-hmm.

Tamara Johnson: back in the day when y'all used to be on like Dynasty and Dallas, and you used to see Diane Carroll, and they had all of these things, like the themes, right? And I think subconsciously we watch, you know, television and social media and these shows, and you seeing the 2% of the world live a certain way.

But baby, down here in the nine-to-five world, that just doesn't exist, right? And so we have to wrap our minds around the fact that, sweetie, you live a normal life with a normal nine-to-five job, and we have to get from this illusion or these, um, just pie in the sky. Just come on down, baby. It's not-- I don't know, you know, where these men are that you seek to have all of this money that can pay these [00:04:00] things.

And I have a lot of good girlfriends, and I really do believe we have, you know, started We have become so independent, like you say. We have gotten our degrees, and so now we're making a certain amount of money, and anything less than what I make, he certainly cannot be the one for me, right?

Reverend Michele Owes: Well, you know, God did not give us the, uh, He didn't give us the authority to judge based on the dollar amount in a person's pocket. Uh, our a- our authority is to determine who an individual is by their character, by their conduct, and by their commitment. But more than that, their godly relationship with their creator.

Because most of us marry, we say because we love the other person. But unless the person that you want to become one [00:05:00] with loves God, they cannot love you. Because God is love, and God determines what love is and the kind of love that is fulfilling to us. It's not, it's not just lust, 'cause you have to get up off your back at some point in time and work the work of the real day.

You know, you not going to be under the covers your whole life. You've much work out life together, the nuances of life, the things in the house and the things outside of the house. You have to work out those together. And so a man's character Uh, who is he when nobody's looking? Not just what he says he's going to do, but is he a man of his word?

What is his conduct? You know, what is it that he, he does? How does he treat you? Uh, what his-- what is his reputation and his commitment? Can he stay with a thing? Because marriage is a long-term commitment. It's supposed [00:06:00] to be until death

Tamara Johnson: is.

Reverend Michele Owes: do us part, and none of us knows when that moment is going to be. And so, uh, we're, we're judging by the wrong thing.

We're judging by stuff and things and, and oftentimes the person who can provide you with stuff and things, you can't count on to keep their word. They say they going to be there, but don't show up. But you might get a package, but you won't get them. And so in a relationship, when you are naked and not ashamed in a relationship and, or a marriage, you-- the man is to cleave to his wife and it, it-

Tamara Johnson: I really do think, I think I really do believe that, um, we have a lot of unions that are just-- don't even believe a lot of them are marrying for love in this day and age at all. I think that, you know, it, it depends on your social status, uh, what you look like, how much stuff you got, and it's not just the [00:07:00] women.

And I can-- we can sit here and go like that, but a lot of these men want a wife that looks a certain way.

Reverend Michele Owes: I'm

Tamara Johnson: has to

Reverend Michele Owes: just-

Tamara Johnson: or this type of roundness at the bottom, or her ankles can't be big, or her hair can't be, you know, synthetic. It much be 100% human hair or, child, I don't know what they... I just know that it's not just us.

A lot of the men are, are, are not, not seeking and looking deeper than just the outer, the outer

Reverend Michele Owes: Appearance, the end.

Tamara Johnson: so just like you said, as we have been coming out of Proverbs, we know that beauty fades,

Reverend Michele Owes: I

Tamara Johnson: And a lot of that stuff that

Reverend Michele Owes: do.

Tamara Johnson: in the bed now, you ain't going to be able to do all that stuff later on.

You might be having a lot of fun right now, but what's going to happen later on when those things,

Reverend Michele Owes: Yeah.

Tamara Johnson: you know, her beauty starts to fade or his manhood, you know, I mean, his bulkiness or whatever it was that you, you know, wanted [00:08:00] is not the same anymore down the line, then these other things come into place and, you know, no names or anything like that.

It's just, it's just that a lot of people are, are looking at men and they see dollar signs and clearly he must be the right one. We will figure it out because I rather be You

Reverend Michele Owes: Yeah. Yeah.

Tamara Johnson: this

Reverend Michele Owes: Yeah.

Tamara Johnson: sad

Reverend Michele Owes: Yes.

Tamara Johnson: than to be in that house happy. You know, I mean, that's, that this is the, these are the thoughts of the folks, some of the people that I know, I've met, I, I, I'm in partnership with.

I've heard it. I mean, I've been married 17 years, but I s- on this, on this 17-year journey, I have heard a lot of,

Reverend Michele Owes: Yes.

Tamara Johnson: of things, you know. And as we, as they are getting older, it's becoming a little bit more ridiculous my eyesight that we are thinking this way. So hopefully we can give a little bit of insight as to, you know, how to move forward when [00:09:00] you are seeking and searching, you know, for someone to do life with long

Reverend Michele Owes: Amen.

Tamara Johnson: it should be forever.

Reverend Michele Owes: Yes. Well, first we wanna say as it relates to seeking and searching, uh, the Bible says, "He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing." So if as a woman we're searching, we're out of order, not our job. Our job is to make sure that we are living according to the will of God for as much as within us lie.

However much of God's word that we know, we should absolutely be doing our best to live it. God has a way of making you stick out in a crowd. And, you know, interestingly enough, you could have a type that you like or a type that you, you know, are interested in, much be tall, have to have this, have to have that, and he could have a type too.

But when God gets involved and the mystical union takes place, you like, [00:10:00] "Wait, this is nothing like what my type was", but it is the right type for you, right? So don't typecast yourself out of a relationship. Don't do that. First and foremost, make sure that your relationship with God is solid because He will let you know if, if the person that you met, just based on your relationship with Him, He'll let you know if it's for you or if it's not for you.

Uh, where there is no peace, He's not in it. And so oftentimes we will find ourselves just trying to make something fit. We are trying to put

Tamara Johnson: right.

Reverend Michele Owes: because it has all the trappings. It's got the houses and the car and the land and the yacht and the, and the reputation and, you know, we wanna be in the big rooms and we wanna be at the galas and we wanna do A, B, C, D, and E.

It's got all the trappings, but the character, not [00:11:00] there. How the conduct, how they not only treat you, but how they treat others, how they treat their relationship with God, just not there. Um, the commitment I can't get him to commit to a thing. It's either a sporadic, I'm coming by or a late night call. But listen, when he finds

Tamara Johnson: Mm-hmm.

Reverend Michele Owes: when a man is interested in a woman, you don't have to look for him.

He's not going to make you wonder because he's coming, and he's going to come with everything he has to get what he wants. So if you're sitting back wondering, you know, well, I wonder. If you are still wondering and the game is still being played, you are not a pawn. So first of all, the woman must know who she is in God's eyes.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and marvelous are the works of His [00:12:00] hands. You, you are nobody's side piece. And don't allow yourself to be treated as a side piece. You are nobody's side hustle. So don't let somebody come in and hustle you late at night. You can't see him during the, you can't see him during daylight hours.

Everything is a sneak in at night. That's-- You're not a secret.

Tamara Johnson: some women, listen, these women have no problems with arrangements that you talking about. And this is-- And, and I'm not here to, you know, uh, shame or bash or anything like that, but I have friends, they have no problem being number two. They don't. They-- It's like, it's like you convince yourself this is what I want, this is what I chose, this is what... And, and you keep telling yourself that, but it, it, it, it doesn't equal to the worth. You see what I'm saying? Like,

Reverend Michele Owes: Yes. Yes.

Tamara Johnson: you, do you not know that, you know, somebody will, will [00:13:00] absolutely treat you as number one?

Reverend Michele Owes: Yes.

Tamara Johnson: you don't have to even convince yourself to believe that this is something that you actually want. When, when you, you may have addressed it like that or maybe it started like that, but after a while, you, you like that man. You really want that man. And because y'all came into this relationship the way y'all came into this re- You also mentioned, you also mentioned that when a man finds a wife,

Reverend Michele Owes: Mm-hmm.

Tamara Johnson: You just going to know it. I remember just years ago, over 23 something years ago, when I met my husband, I was already dealing with a young man that I knew wasn't mine.

Reverend Michele Owes: Mm-hmm.

Tamara Johnson: I knew he wasn't going to be mine. I knew that he-- I knew that he, he didn't want me in that manner And, and so whenever it was going to dwindle down, it was just going to dwindle down because I knew that this was not going to be something long term.

I already knew that I had already messed up to be wife material over there. You know, I, I had already done that. I already knew I wasn't going to [00:14:00] be number one because of the way I entered into that relationship knowing that that man already had somebody,

Reverend Michele Owes: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Tamara Johnson: you know? And so I was just hoping that maybe I could get him, you know, but after a while I realized that I couldn't.

But when I ran up on my husband and I dealt with him for a little while, I started to realize that this relationship is definitely different than any other relationship that I ever had because the man was so consistent. You know, his moves and the way that, you know, the things that he told me up, know?

And so I said, "Look, I need to stop playing games because this man for real about me. This man seem to like me for real." And so I stopped playing all the games, babe. I laid everything down, you know, and I let him know. I let him know that, "Listen, this is what I'm going to do." I was honest. I was naked. Like you say, being honest with him and just like literally telling him that, "Look, I'm not going to be playing no more [00:15:00] games no more.

I see that you like me, and I like you too. So let's, let's be for real about it and, and be open." So there will be no second guessing. You will know. You will know because that

Reverend Michele Owes: That's right.

Tamara Johnson: going to let you know that he wants you.

Reverend Michele Owes: And that is the whole thing of being naked and not ashamed. You, you have to take that kind of relationship into the marriage. It's developed before you get to the altar. You can't think that after you say, "I do", then there's going to be all this open and honest communication. If he's hemming and hawing now, he'll be hemming and hawing later on.

If he can't be open with you now, he's not going to be open with you later on, unless you're going to pay for a whole lot of therapy to get where you coulda got with the Lord and him prior to. So I, I think what's important to note is whenever a woman goes into her, a relationship, she has to know her value.

The Bible says that her price is far above rubies. And so you can't, [00:16:00] you can't let a man cheapen you by how he treats you. You can't deny who you are by allowing him to get away with those kinds of things. Because when you put a stop to it, what you are going to discover is who you are. And if you spend all your time trying to know him and he's putting no time into knowing you, that's a problem, because he's supposed to be finding you.

So I think the best advice for any woman who is unmarried, who is divorced, who is even in a married relationship right now and just displeased, unhappy Is to find out who you are in the word of God. Develop that relationship first because the word of God is medicine. It is to cause us to know who we are, who we are as His creation.

And when [00:17:00] you take a whole you into a whole relationship with a, and, and you marry a whole man who knows himself in Christ Jesus, that's a whole different kind of relationship. And when we allow what we see, uh, Tamara, you mentioned earlier that television watching has set, has set some expectations for us.

Uh, I,

Tamara Johnson: Yeah.

Reverend Michele Owes: say the housewives of whatever city you in, that, that whole brand of housewives of this city and that city and that city, I've never met any housewives like that. We-- I, I know plenty housewives, but we don't sit up all day long and, and curse each other out and talk bad about each other and dress nice.

Tamara Johnson: be told, truth be told, half of them on there ain't even married.

Reverend Michele Owes: well, there you go.

Tamara Johnson: the-- A lot of them on there, they was, they was married, and then they was married, and then they wasn't married, and then they were married, and then they wasn't married, and

Reverend Michele Owes: There you go.

Tamara Johnson: they wasn't married. And right now you got a [00:18:00] whole cast of them, it ain't nothing but one and a half on there married. And I say a half 'cause she on her last leg with him.

Reverend Michele Owes: See what I'm saying? That is, um, when, when you are in a relationship, when you are in a God-ordained relationship in your marriage, you don't have time for the nonsense. You don't have time to be sitting around and talking about your life and your husband with your girls. That, you know, the deep discussions of your life need to be with your husband.

And sometimes our friends know us better than our spouse, and that's a problem. Not saying that we should not have friends, but there should be nobody that we discuss the deep details of our lives with other than our husband, because we are naked and not ashamed, and we're cleaving one to the other. The scriptures don't say anything about your girls.

It don't say anything about your fellas. You should never spend time talking about your spouse with the fellas or with the girls or y- that, not their business. Not their business.

Tamara Johnson: Yeah.

Reverend Michele Owes: But

Tamara Johnson: agree.[00:19:00]

Reverend Michele Owes: of that goes

Tamara Johnson: to

Reverend Michele Owes: to your heavenly Father. It's, it's a difficult, it's a difficult lesson to learn because oftentimes, you know, you have given information to the wrong person and, and these same people who listen to, quote, "console you", will use that as ammunition to steal what you have.

And before you know it, they're working up

Tamara Johnson: doing

Reverend Michele Owes: on, you know, what you said at the altar you do too.

Tamara Johnson: Hey, they still doing that now. It ain't, it ain't, it ain't left.

Reverend Michele Owes: I

Tamara Johnson: still out here under cutting. I am grateful. I, I, I'm not boasting or anything like that. I am just so grateful that I have a, a, a best friend, um, in my husband, and that's all because I do not mind having, um, hard conversations. I say that all the time.

There are some hard conversations that I have, we have with one another, but we never hold it. You know, we always, we always come out with it, you know, good, bad, ugly, indifferent. [00:20:00] We're going to put it out there and then deal with it, because I'd rather deal with the ugly truth than to deal with a pretty lie. I just...

Reverend Michele Owes: That's right.

Tamara Johnson: I don't

Reverend Michele Owes: That's right.

Tamara Johnson: And then so in order to get things on track and be truthful and say that we're doing things God's way, and then you hide certain stuff or you harbor certain feelings in your heart, over time those things start to, you know, add up and then when you, when you argue, here you go with your long list of stuff that you had since January, and here it is June. Here it is June, you didn't say nothing about that in January. You said nothing about it in February. And then all of a sudden when June comes, and then he think back, "Well, this been going on since January. You been that mad for that long? You didn't come to me and say anything about it." So, you know, just those growing pains in marriage and just getting to that point where you have to trust them enough to tell them it all.

Lay

Reverend Michele Owes: right.

Tamara Johnson: This is

Reverend Michele Owes: That's right.

Tamara Johnson: are. Because you have to -- Once you [00:21:00] do that, you give God an opportunity to come in and deal with it. He can't

Reverend Michele Owes: Amen.

Tamara Johnson: in secret.

Reverend Michele Owes: Amen.

Tamara Johnson: He's a Father of the light, you know, and here you are in darkness in a few areas in your marriage. I can't work on that

Reverend Michele Owes: Right.

Tamara Johnson: you don't

Reverend Michele Owes: That's right.

Tamara Johnson: that.

Reverend Michele Owes: That's right.

Tamara Johnson: So

Reverend Michele Owes: Yeah.

Tamara Johnson: I don't mind having, you know, those hard conversations, whether it be between he and I, the way things are going in the marriage, or even our children. You know, that's some of the hardest

Reverend Michele Owes: Yeah.

Tamara Johnson: working through the rearing, uh, and, and the raising and the differences from how you were brought up and how I was brought up, when we just need to go with what God say right here in the book

Reverend Michele Owes: That's right.

Tamara Johnson: can be right. the way your daddy or your mama said it or the way my daddy and my mama said it, but what does God say about rearing these children so that we both can be right, you know? So

Reverend Michele Owes: Absolutely. I think

Tamara Johnson: I'm glad...

Reverend Michele Owes: i-in all that we're saying, we're saying we can't leave Christ out of the marriage And in all that we're saying, we're saying that marriage is God's [00:22:00] institution, and most of us wanna enter in, but we don't want to, we don't wanna consult the God who, who made marriage the institution.

We don't want to give God an opportunity to weigh in on our relationships. Uh, I, I will say that if you have to have some difficult conversations, there's a way to have them. You should schedule a family meeting. It should just be a place where it's you and your spouse if, if you are the two that need to work out the issue that you're working out.

Some things children don't need to hear. And so

Tamara Johnson: Oh,

Reverend Michele Owes: up things that can, can, uh, uh, burden and, and just make the hearts of children heavy c- because you could've solved it privately. You just, you don't do that. And you-- then you don't disrespect your spouse in the presence of your children. L- let me share something with you.

Your daughters are watching you. Your sons are watching you. If you don't want your son to be with someone like you, then you [00:23:00] need to check yourself. If you don't want your daughter to repeat what you were doing in the marriage, you absolutely need to check yourself. And I will say this as well. There are some, some people who will not put up with some of the stuff that we dish out, and we could be causing harm to the next generation.

Because if your daughter pipes off at a man, he may not let her finish the sentence 'cause you piping off today. And you, you need to understand that everybody should have a level of respect in our tone, in our delivery. So if you need to have a private meeting with your spouse, set a time. You-- If you need to go someplace neutral, go someplace neutral and just

Tamara Johnson: Yeah.

Reverend Michele Owes: sit down.

You all could be in the car and take a drive. Park the car before you start talking, and let's talk out this difficult thing that we need to talk about. And let's not, let's not frighten the children. Let's not cause them to be [00:24:00] uneasy in their hearts and minds while we work this thing out.

Tamara Johnson: Even if you, even if you feel like it might escalate to where your voices are, are going high, y'all probably need to, you know, do it, you know, somewhere

Reverend Michele Owes: Yes.

Tamara Johnson: can, I can promise you if it, if it got anything to do with some infidelity, we need to definitely get out

Reverend Michele Owes: Woo!

Tamara Johnson: house, because it ain't finna be pretty at all. It ain't finna be pretty.

Reverend Michele Owes: what? We need to, you should have an agenda. Write down the things that you're going to talk about, and both people need to, um, know what you're going to talk about. And, but you pray first. You don't open your mouth to cover an agenda

Tamara Johnson: Yeah

Reverend Michele Owes: without the two of you praying first, because God is the only one who could put a cap on your emotions and the volume of your voice.

We cannot,

Tamara Johnson: Ooh.

Reverend Michele Owes: you know, go into these heavy duty conversations thinking we got it, 'cause we ain't got nothing. If we had it, the situation wouldn't be what it is, right? So you pray first.

Tamara Johnson: didn't, I didn't pray [00:25:00] before. I didn't pray before and it still wouldn't lift. I was like, "God, where you was at?" 'Cause I'll

Reverend Michele Owes: did we listen to that? Now that comes like, did we listen to the Holy Spirit? But you have an agenda. Both parties need to know what the is going to be on the agenda. You pray before you start speaking and you ask God to minister to your hearts and your minds that you can respectfully speak with one another, that you can hear each other's heart and in the conversation be naked and not ashamed.

One of the other things I want to, to suggest to us is that to expect a person to live up to your expectations

Tamara Johnson: Oh, my God.

Reverend Michele Owes: unfair, and most of the time you will be disappointed. This is where the naked and not ashamed comes in. If, if you wanted your husband to treat you in a certain fashion or style and they seem to miss the [00:26:00] mark, whether it's opening and closing the door for you, whether it's making sure that when you're somewhere together that one doesn't get lost from the other and people just walk off, whatever the conversation is that needs to be had, make sure that your spouse clearly understands how you feel and what you think and what you've been taught.

Because as you mentioned earlier, Tamron, we can be taught different things. Uh, I'm going to use a natural example. Uh, my father taught me that if a man walks in front of you or behind you, he is not with you. That when a man is with you, he wants everybody to know he's with you. He's going to walk lockstep with you.

Whether he is holding

Tamara Johnson: girl.

Reverend Michele Owes: or not,

Tamara Johnson: Lord

Reverend Michele Owes: whether he's putting his arm around your shoulder or not, he wants everybody to know he's with you, so he's going to keep up with your stride. Whether it means he has to slow down a little bit or, or, or speed up, he's going to keep up with your stride. Now that is something that my [00:27:00] father taught me.

That is nothing my husband had ever heard in his whole lifetime. But whenever my husband was with me and he walked ahead of me My-- I was, um, immediately offended because my father's words were with me. So in

Tamara Johnson: I heard

Reverend Michele Owes: to understand why my, quote, "mood changed", I needed him to understand what was guiding my thoughts.

Tamara Johnson: And that's all

Reverend Michele Owes: And I had to tell him, "This is what I learned from my father in the raising of his five daughters. This is what he taught us."

Tamara Johnson: And he made the necessary adjustments.

Reverend Michele Owes: and that's all you have to do. Instead of putting rocks in your jaws, being mad all day, ain't talking to nobody, setting up a

Tamara Johnson: Yeah,

Reverend Michele Owes: foul attitude in the house,

Tamara Johnson: what

Reverend Michele Owes: just share.

Tamara Johnson: They are not mind readers. If you sitting up and you got something on your mind and stuff that you wanna discuss, send out it-- I dare-- Like you say, I, I'll-- If I do have something [00:28:00] heavy that I wanna speak to my husband about, I will text him and let him know, "Hey, this evening," da, da, da, da.

I don't just say, "Hey, we need to talk this evening," and then bomb rush him with some stuff. At least

Reverend Michele Owes: Yeah.

Tamara Johnson: prepared. This is your partner. This is, this is my partner. This is my lover. This is my husband. This is my friend. Why would I do that

Reverend Michele Owes: Yeah. Yeah.

Tamara Johnson: would-- We're not in-- We're not combative with one another.

We're not attacking one another. We're attacking the problem

Reverend Michele Owes: Yes.

Tamara Johnson: We're not in this fight for one another. This is my, this is my

Reverend Michele Owes: This is right.

Tamara Johnson: this is my covering. This is-- He loves me, and I love him, so why would I bomb rush him? Why would I attack him? No, we're trying to come to a common ground so we can fix the issue that either one of us may be having, since you're not perfect neither.

Reverend Michele Owes: Wow. Well, there's a bomb that we're going to -- Look, there's a bomb we have to hold for next time.

Tamara Johnson: I'm just saying the men is putting up with some stuff [00:29:00] too, Crusty Feet.

Reverend Michele Owes: Right. Right. Right. So as soon as you can be naked and not ashamed in the marriage, as soon as you can be honest about the things that you need to discuss, as soon as you recognize in that marriage that you have value and that you are not going to judge who you are by every perceived mistreatment, by every perceived, um, diss, if you will, by your spouse, but be who you are in the marriage.

If you read Proverbs 31, the, the-- When, uh, King Lemuel's mother was telling him how to find a good wife Sister girl was busy. Some people don't even believe it was just one person, that it was three or four women that they were discussing in that passage. But she was busy about taking care of business.

And we don't have to let everything be such a lull for us. We don't have to let everything send us into the pits of despair or depression. We can make sure [00:30:00] that we are busy about our heavenly Father's business to keep, uh, our hearts and minds in Him so that we are not, you know, we're not going up and down on the rollercoaster every time something goes wrong.

And then we're not threatening to leave every time something goes wrong. We're not keeping a suitcase packed at the door and, and having a man walk on eggshells to get along with us. We're just not doing that.

Tamara Johnson: No, that's not godly. That's not right. That's not right. You cannot hold that... Can you imagine every time something happens, somebody threatening to leave you? That's horrible.

Reverend Michele Owes: Mm-hmm.

Tamara Johnson: mean, I

Reverend Michele Owes: It

Tamara Johnson: up as I, I, I just

Reverend Michele Owes: is,

Tamara Johnson: say that we're in this for the long run if, if every time we come across a hard patch of difficult troubled waters or a mountain to climb, you ready to throw up your hands and leave?

Ow. [00:31:00] I thought that we were in this together. That's just not

Reverend Michele Owes: no.

Tamara Johnson: And it's, and you should, and you should not be doing that because that puts the... mm, no. If you keep doing that to me, I'm finna start looking. I'm finna start planning. I'm finna start preparing because I don't know what day you going to be serious about it.

These couple of times, the last couple of times you seemed like you was on the edge. The next time you might really be out the door, so

Reverend Michele Owes: Yeah.

Tamara Johnson: I'm going to start preparing.

Reverend Michele Owes: So let's, let's leave everybody with this question, Tamara, 'cause our time has, uh, is nigh us.

Tamara Johnson: Okay.

Reverend Michele Owes: When is the last time you thought to yourself as a wife, "What can I do to make my husband's day better?" When is the last time-- And if the thought has never occurred to you, then we know that we've not done our jobs because we are helpmeets.

We are created to help our [00:32:00] husbands be who God has created them to be. And if we've not once considered what goes on in his day, w- what can I do to make his day better? And I promise you, if you start considering what you can do to make his day better, he's going to start considering what he can do to make yours better.

So I'm-- We're going to leave you right there. Think about What can I do to make my husband's day better? And you're not doing this so that he can do something for you. You're doing this because God created you to be a helpmeet. He created you to help him. So how are you helping him? How are you working toward his heart and not his hand?

That you are not demanding all of these expensive things. We have to have a bigger, better house. We much have a house. We much have a bigger, better car. We much have the best car. We [00:33:00] much go on this vacation or that vacation, and we have to send our children to the nicest of places, and I have to have a designer bag every month, and I-- What kind of foolishness are we introducing in the marriage that has nothing to do with having a good relationship in Christ Jesus?

So ask yourself, when is the last time you asked, what can I do to make my husband's day better?

Uh.

Listen, you've been created to be a helpmeet. This is a job you took when you said, "I do." And you stood before God and witnesses and said you do. So do what you said.

Right.

Right. There you go. Yes.

There you go. That's right. That's right.

Hmm.

There you go. There you go. There you go. Ask [00:34:00] yourself, "What can I do to make my husband's day better?" Pray. Don't argue in front of the children. Let God demonstrate who He can be in your life and in your marriage. Learn your value, who you are from the God that created you. It is never about stuff and things.

You know why Goodwill makes so much money? You know why resale shops make so much money? Because stuff and things lose value to people, and you look in the-- you look in Goodwill and stuff that you thought was valuable is now somebody's junk. It is never about the stuff and things. The greatest value you have is in one another, and it's in your relationship, and making God first gives it the greatest value of all.

That is all the time we have for this podcast. Tama, thank you for being with us. We're going to come back with a part three, so stay with us. All right. Enjoy your evening. God bless you. We love [00:35:00] you