The Approach

Teachable Woman Podcast

Reverends Michele Owes and Diana Cherry

The Approach

Rev. Michele Owes: [00:00:00] Welcome. Welcome. Welcome back. We are

excited, excited, excited, excited to be with you today. I am Reverend Michelle Owes. I am with Reverend Mrs. Deanna P. Cherry Deanna P. Cherry, the author extraordinaire, and together we are teachers of- Teachers of good things ... good things. Yes, we were able to kinda get together on that because we are together.

Are together. We just finished an encouraging, uplifting, spirit-filled, wonderful conference this week, and we are excited to share some of that great information with you. Mrs. Cherry has been kind enough to share with us from her book, What To Do- What- ... Before You Say I Do. All right. So there's some stuff, I mean, before the dress, before the venue, before what you're gonna eat or what you're gonna serve.

Yes. All of that. Before the tuxedo. Yeah. Just some things we should do prior to that. And [00:01:00] Mrs. Cherry has been kind enough to share that with us. Yeah. Mrs. Cherry, please greet- Yeah. I s- ... our podcast family Hello, podcast family. I had started to name this book What To Know. Mm-hmm. But I just like the way What To Do sounds.

But we are so excited that you're with us, and we pray that you're hanging with us 'cause we're giving you some good- Good ... stuff in these podcasts- That is true ... that we're doing together. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Um, today we wanna take just a little bit of a, uh, a twist away from starting exactly in all the things that have been shared.

Yeah. And we wanna talk about one word, approach. Mm-hmm. Means to come toward. It means to move forward. The approach. I shared with Mrs. Cherry that in our family, we have a day after Christmas meeting. The males meet with the males to impart into the lives of the males, and the females- Mm-hmm ... meet with the females to impart into the lives of the females, and [00:02:00] then we come together as a group, and we just have these discussions.

And what I had heard from many of the young males was that they believe that they have to have purchased a house, and have a fantastic car, and, and have the, uh, money in the bank, and just a fantastic life and everything for, before, before- Hmm ... they can approach. Before they can even come to a woman to ask her to have a cup of coffee.

Yes. Before they can even have a conversation, they feel as though their life has to be 100% put together. Mm-hmm. And, and when I say absolutely not, that is so untrue. And the thing, the response that we often get is, "Well- The women of your age are different from the women of this age. But Mrs. Cherry and I want to, we want to clarify, we wanna clear up, we wanna dispel- Mm

the myth [00:03:00] that you cannot approach. Mm-hmm. And we know that there are so many beautiful women in the body of Christ that men who are in the body, who are living a godly life, have already spied out, but don't have the courage- Mm ... to approach. Because that's really what it takes. And in this thing about marriage, it's what you build together.

Mm-hmm. Not so much what somebody else already has- Right ... that you can move into and just look glamorous. This is about building something together for the Kingdom of God, for the glory of God in your marriage and in your family. So, Ms. Cherry, let's chat a little bit about the approach. Okay. I think that, um, some of the questions that I'm asking in the book, I think would help male or female to examine themselves.

And I pray that by answering those questions and examining ourselves, we'll begin to get a picture of we are [00:04:00] somebody. Mm-hmm. We are worth somebody being, uh, our, our being able to approach somebody. Mm-hmm. I don't have to be intimidated by another person. I think a lot of looking at the questions that I have and self-examination will help the male and the female to have a little higher esteem- Mm-hmm

of themselves. And no one-- Remember, we're God's children. Yes. No one is better than you. No one is... You know, someone might have more money than you. Lots of people have more money than me. They might have- Me too ... bigger houses than you or me. Me too. But that's not the quality of life. Mm-mm. That has nothing to do with who you are.

Who you are is who you are when you're all by yourself. It's who you are in your character, in your conduct, and in the commitments that you make in life. Who are you when you're all by yourself? What kind of character do you have? And if you are a person of [00:05:00] perhaps, um, mediocre or medium education or financial status, but you have great character, you are a great person.

Amen. Character is the most important thing that we can have. Mm-hmm. Integrity is one of the most important things that we can have. Yes. Money and all that stuff and things, it can go poof, gone. Mm-hmm. But who you are in your heart, your character, and your conduct, they remain steady. And if you are a good person- Mm-hmm I love what Timothy tells us.

Don't... And, and it says youth, but don't let anyone despise your youth or your middle age or your old age or any age. If you're in the Lord, if you're a godly person, if you have good character, good conduct, how dare you let anybody downplay you? And if somebody wants to judge you for what you don't have or for who you are not, then they don't deserve you.

Mm-mm. I think one of the, uh, best marriages that, um, I'm [00:06:00] personally aware of is, you know, there might have, uh, there are differences in education, difference in social economic status, but the thing is, it's a good marriage. Amen. And good... If you're a good mother and a good father, then it doesn't matter about stuff and things.

Mm-hmm. There are things more important in life than stuff and things and inheritances and stuff like that, but it's who you are in your heart that makes a difference. And Everybody gets married and, and there are what we call gaps. Sometimes it's a spiritual gap, and most of the time the women will think that they are the more spiritual one-

because they might be able to quote the most scripture. Gap. But how much... Right, gap. But how much scripture you can quote does not equate to how spiritual you are. Mm-hmm. There are educational gaps, there are financial gaps, there are cultural gaps, there are racial gaps, there are [00:07:00] all kinds of gaps. But a gap does not mean that you can't marry.

Mm-hmm. Gap does not mean that you can't approach. Amen. Uh, if you know how to talk, you can ask a person out for a cup of coffee- Mm-hmm ... a cup of tea or- Mm-hmm ... you know, uh, just something social. And that's how you get to know- Mm-hmm ... each other. And the best way to get to know people is to get involved in your local church- Mm-hmm

and get involved in the, uh, young adult activities, and the middle age activities, and the old age activities, and the children activities, and get known- Mm-hmm ... in your church. And that's how you develop relationships. But if there are gaps, gaps are not to intimidate us or- Amen ... to run us from each other.

Mm-hmm. But if you desire a relationship with someone and, and there are gaps there, and you know there are gaps there, and they know they, those gaps can either be bridged- Yes ... so that you can cross over to the other side, or [00:08:00] those gaps can be closed. Mm-hmm. But a gap or you're feeling insecure does not mean that you are insecure, or your feeling of unworthy doesn't mean that you are unworthy.

So I think that the self-examination part of, of the book will help you regardless of the state that you are in. Amen. But there is no human being that's better than another human being. Amen. And you just have to, um... David said, when all else failed, he encouraged himself in the Lord. There you go. And if somebody puts you down because you don't dress a certain way or can't speak a certain way, then they are not worthy of you.

Amen. And there is somebody who will understand you, will work with you. And the thing that I wanna encourage you Uh, to do is don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to approach. Um, most people are kind people. Mm-hmm. And, uh, it doesn't mean you're gonna have to get married or- Yeah. ... have a relationship, but at least you should be able to [00:09:00] develop friendships.

Absolutely. And it's out of friendships- Yes ... that marital relationships develop. So think more, think h- the Word of God says we are not think h- uh, more highly- More highly of ourselves ... of ourselves, but think highly. Yeah. It didn't say, it didn't say don't think highly. It said don't think more highly. Don't think more highly.

Right. So think highly of yourself. You're a child of the Most High God. Amen. And don't let anybody judge you, not only if you're youth, as Timothy says, but don't let anybody judge you in any state. And anybody want judge you ain't worthy of you. That's right. And I think sometimes, Mrs. Cherry, it's self-judgment.

Mm. It's like, "Okay, I know she's a doctor"- Yes, yes ... or, "I know he is a pediatrician, and maybe I didn't even finish college," or maybe, you know. And so however you look at it, we have a failure to launch- Yes ... because we have already counted ourself out of the game before we could get in it. But that's not how God works.

It's a mystical [00:10:00] union. Yes. And you have no idea why you're drawn to the person that you're drawn to, 'cause it's not your work. Right. It's God's work, and He's drawing you to someone or causing you to see someone. But you don't count God out because you're afraid to approach. That's right. So this failure to launch is, you know, we're delaying families.

We're holding up the plan of God 'cause we can't say, "Hey, would you like to have a cup of coffee?" Yes. Yes. Uh, and for the life-givers, you know, allow yourself to be approachable. Yes. You know? Yes. Some of us, um, sometimes we carry ourselves in such a manner, and I believe in this. I believe you should carry yourself- in a way that your very presence dictates quality.

Mm-hmm. And, uh, your very presence dictates good character and good conduct. Yes. You don't, you don't dress like loosey-goosey and- ... you know, all the fakey phony. But don't, um, don't live your life being untouchable or unapproachable. Mm-hmm, unapproachable. Yes. And, um, and to the young men, don't be [00:11:00] afraid to approach a woman of God.

Mm-hmm. And you have good intentions, and you just wanna develop a friendship. It's natural that you would want to develop friendships. Don't let anyone intimidate you because they might look smarter or you might think- Mm-hmm ... that they're, uh, you're beneath them. We are all God's children. That's it. And so what we have to do is, you know, just be encouraged to, to fellowship.

And like I said before- Mm-hmm ... the best place to fellowship is a group fellowship in the church. And I, I know people who've met each other in group fellowships, and they didn't even know each other. They didn't even like each other. Mm-hmm. They just thought that that was the most obnoxious person. And they get in a group fellowship, and they find out that that person is articulate.

Mm-hmm. And that person is a source, a wealth of knowledge on a particular subject. Or funny. Or funny. And treatable. Yeah. Yes. A- and so, you know, um-

Have regard for yourself- Yes ... and don't allow yourself to be [00:12:00] intimidated by what somebody looks like. Get involved in- Mm-hmm ... the local church. Mm-hmm. That's the best way to meet friends a- and you learn how to communicate that way. Yes. We used to have a Thursday night, um, fellowship. It was called a Pastors Night with the, it was basically the young people of the church.

And out of those fellowships we've had two or three marriages- Mm-hmm ... to grow. Mm-hmm. But, uh, you know, esteem, have high esteem for yourself. Right. Not more highly than you ought to, but you are a creation of God. Mm-hmm. You're made in His image and in His likeness. God didn't create any junk. God didn't create anybody who was subpar, no substandard, so.

Mm-hmm, and He didn't make mistakes. Right. So don't be afraid to launch. Don't be afraid, yeah. Make the approach. Right. And, you know, sometimes... Now here's the thing. Sometimes when we meet people, these are not necessarily people that we, quote, are going to marry. There are relationships and friendships that [00:13:00] develop in the body of Christ- Mm-hmm

where iron sharpens iron. Mm-hmm. We learn from one another. You know, your next friendship may help you to a better job. Your next friendship may, you know, help you in other ways of your life. But, you know, each joint supplies the- Mm-hmm ... need of the other- Mm-hmm ... in the body of Christ. Mm-hmm. So if you both love the Lord, something good's gonna come out of it because that love for God will have a beneficial effect in your life.

Right. But don't be afraid to approach. There's no woman that's, quote, too good for you. That's right. There's no man that's too good for you. The question is, is it God's plan for you all to be good together? Right. Right. And you know what the married people do is laugh a lot when they find out about each other's spouses or, you know, what somebody does and we'll laugh and say, "Oh, you married up, huh?"

Yeah. "I see." You know? And so that's the funny joke that they make. But that person Was not afraid to approach. Yes. Yes. So you gotta be willing to make the approach. Gentlemen, don't just sit by and watch the woman that [00:14:00] you s- feel something for, don't quite know what it is, just watch them go and come every week and never say a word, and wait so long someone else does make the approach and the launch.

Right. Right. Right? Right. Just- Yeah ... say hello. Let's have some coffee in the break room. Let's fellowship right there a- at, in the hallway, in the seating areas, on the, on the, uh, swings and in the rocking chairs right outside the church. Right, right. Let's talk for a minute. Right. Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Um, there's something in the worldly system today called intentional dating. Mm. And this intentional dating is where people get to ask you how much money you making, and ask you about properties, and ask you all kinds of things- Wow ... so that they can weed people out. That is not what we do in the Body of Christ.

No, no. You know, a wise woman builds her house. Mm-hmm. And we should be willing to build together, not just walk into what someone else has and claim it as our own. So- [00:15:00] We want to really encourage the gentlemen out there to not be afraid to approach. Because the Bible says, "He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing."

A good thing. So you cannot be afraid to make the approach. Yes. Yes. And it might be, um, th- there might be somebody perhaps on your job and they've never accepted Jesus Christ- Mm-hmm ... into their hearts as a personal Lord and Savior. Um, we received, um, a food contribution yesterday, and we enjoyed it. It was a lady who made me a beautiful thing for my birthday and, um, we all enjoyed it.

That lady met this man on her job, and she just chatted with him. Mm-hmm. Led him to the Lord. Mm. No relationship, no intimacy, nothing like that. And that man was so impressed by her relationship with God- Mm-hmm ... that he started coming to our church. He gave his life to the Lord, and we married them 40, I think 31 or 41 [00:16:00] years ago.

Wow. And, and they are still together. And then y- the other day, because it's my birthday, she blessed me with a food dish- Mm-hmm ... that blessed everybody who was at- Mm-hmm ... my home on yesterday. Mm-hmm. So, you know, lift up the Lord. Yes. Maybe the person that God has for you is not even in the kingdom right now.

Mm-hmm. Um, maybe He's calling you to witness to that person, to bring them into the, uh, a fullness of a relationship with Him. So be bold. Mm-hmm. Be bold. Don't let anyone despise who you are in the Lord, and give a good witness wherever you go. Your wife might be that little quiet lady, girl sitting on your job-

that you've been looking at. Lady, girl. Right, lady, girl. But, you know, just be bold. Share the Lord. That might be your wife. That might be we- That might be the mystical union. Yes. We are just encouraging you to launch. To launch. Yeah. We're encouraging you to approach. Right. And then let God do the rest.

Right. Amen? Right. All right. Well, our time is up for this session. We have [00:17:00] so enjoyed- ... having these conversations with you, Mrs. Cherry. Let's say goodbye. God bless you.