What To Do Before You Say I Do Part 3

Teachable Woman Podcast

What To Do Before You Say I DO -p3

Reverends Michele Owes and Diana P. Cherry

Rev. Michele Owes: [00:00:00] Welcome, welcome, welcome back to the Teachable Woman podcast. We are having such a wonderful time, Mrs. Cherry and I, and we are excited that you are taking time to listen to this podcast, re-listen to this podcast, and share this podcast with others. We have been covering the series on marriage, and Mrs.

Cherry has written a book Who by the grace of God she is willing to share portions with us, and the title of the book is What What To Do Before Before You Say I Do. So there's some stuff that we should do before we say, "I do." More important than choosing the dress, more important than the venue, more important than the rings, more important than anything.

This should e- you want to do this even before you, the, the, [00:01:00] you choose the mate or the mate chooses you. Right. 'Cause you want to be ready for the choice, right? Right. When the question comes, you want to be ready to answer. So these things are extremely important. We can do the things that Mrs. Cherry is talking about, whether we are in the married state- Right

and maybe we didn't get premarital training, but now we're there and we want to do what we can do to make sure that our relationship is successful. We can do these things if someone is smiling at you and you know that they are going to propose or, uh, or even if you're not in that game at all, you just living life and loving the Lord, uh, but hopeful.

You want to make sure that you follow these tips that Mrs. Cherry is sharing with us. First, I want to say thank you before you greet our podcast family- Yeah ... for being willing to share your book with us. You could just say, "Y'all buy the copy." You want to know? Buy the copy. But we appreciate you sharing with us, and the way we're going to show our [00:02:00] gratitude is we're going to buy the copy.

Rev. Diana P. Cherry Yeah, we're just giving out some little teasers. Right. So I don't mind giving out the teasers- ... 'cause I'm hoping it'll inspire them to buy the copy. Listen, it costs money to, to, uh- Yes, it does ... print these books, to produce these books. Yes, it does. But anyway, I'm surprised you tuned back in because last time I left you-

at a very interesting statement. Yes. But I'm glad that you're back. So shall I get into it? You should. All right. Go right into it. Listen, we left off the last time and we said marriage is an institution. Institution. It is a place where we are institutionalized. We need to know the rules of the institution.

We need to know the uniform of the u- Mm-hmm ... institution. Mm-hmm. Have to know the dress code. Whoo. But anyway, the institution of marriage, it... Listen, my husband used to teach us all the time, it has only one sentence. Mm. Your sentence in this institution is life- Mm ... without the [00:03:00] possibility of parole. And he once told a class, he said, "If you break out, then you are a fugitive-"

and you'll be on the run for the rest of your life." My Lord. So marriage, when we choose to get married, we are sentenced to live a lifetime in a small cell- ... called a bedroom. And sometimes, sometimes we want to get out of there. Sometimes we try to seek, uh, solitary confinement- ... outside of the bedroom by moving to another room or to the basement.

Don't do it. And, you know, I just had an opportunity, uh, at a recent conference, one of our members from one of the, uh, from The Heart Church's another location, uh, I was greeting them and I went, "How are you all doing?" And they were saying, "Oh, we've been married now for 40-some years." And they didn't realize that I remembered when they weren't so happy.

And, uh, so I said to them, I said, "41 years, [00:04:00] wow, and you're no longer in the basement." Well, I thought that gentleman was going to hit the floor. So they tried to seek solitary confinement outside of the bedroom by moving to the basement, and he was like, "You remember that?" I said, "Of course I remember that." So y- it's, it's solitary confinement, but you need to stay in that bedroom and work it out.

Amen. A marriage at its best should be a place where we seek refuge. Mm-hmm. You know, where, where we can have maximum fulfillment- Yes ... in the natural realm. There is no institution any greater than marriage in the natural realm, and we should Marriage is a time to be the best that you can be. Mm-hmm. And just if we would stop being so serious sometimes with each other and just poke fun at each other.

My husband and I used to do that all the time 'cause he was from Alabama and sometimes his speech was just unusual. And I would just poke fun at [00:05:00] him, and sometimes he would poke fun at me. It's just not that serious. Right. It's a lifetime commitment, and we might as well have as much fun- Yes ... living in the prison- Mm-hmm

as we can have. Take it away, sister Michelle. Well, listen, we-- I must say, it is not our desire to discourage. No, it isn't. No. It is not our des- it's not our desire to make you afraid, you know, but when you tell somebody they going to be in the institution- For the rest of- ... for a lifetime and they can't get a parole, it can sound pretty scary.

Fear not. Fear not. Ma- uh, marriage is not for the fa- faint of heart. Now that is important to say. Yeah. Right. Um, but truly, God wants you to have the best start. Yes. He wants you to have the best start. Yes. And you know, athletes who make it the furthest in their careers are the ones who've had the best training.

Yes. And so you don't want to be afraid of the training. You want to get in there and work at it and, and you want to participate in your classes, and you [00:06:00] want to give it your all. You want to sit down with your mate and you want to talk about things, even as simple as what kind of condition you want the home to be in- Yes

when you get there. Yes. How do you want your wife to be dressed? How do you want your house to look? You know, who, who's going to do the cooking? Are you going to share it? And you know, who does better at laundry? And it's not that you, you have to one or the other, and no, there's no one mold that fits every household But you come together and you do the best together.

You be the best that you can be for one another- Yes ... and for the kingdom of God, and you let, you let God do all the rest. Yes. And he truly, truly will. Yeah. But we don't want you to, um, you know, just take it flippantly because you are becoming one with another person and we don't want you to be scarred.

Right. We don't want you to be wounded. We don't want you to be hurt and downtrodden. And you know, one, one thing that's painful to us is to see thriving, uh, uh, just joyful young people get in a [00:07:00] marriage that's sucking the life out of them. Yes. That just lets us know that we've not done the work that we need to, to do to be ready, or the person that we chose was not willing to do the work to be ready.

Mm. Or that we are focusing on our problems more than we are focusing on the Lord that we serve. Either, any of those things can just drain the life right out of us. But, and God doesn't want that to happen, uh, to us. And so most people just graduate, well, we're going to get a divorce. Why not invite God? into the situation.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Why not ask Him to lead, guide, and direct you? Mm-hmm. Why not study to be quiet? Yes. We don't need to argue. We don't need to fuss. We just need- Exactly ... to let Jesus be Lord over this marriage and over our hearts. Mm-hmm. And if we give Him these moments of quietness, we can, He can show us ourselves, and then we can begin to work on ourselves, and then have [00:08:00] the courage to say, "You know, I was wrong about that."

Mm-hmm. "And I apologize. You deserve better than that from me." Mm-hmm. "And know that I will be working on it." There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying, "I was wrong." Yes. You know, sometimes we like to say, "I made a mistake," because mistake sounds cute. But, you know, I love the fact that my husband used to just say, "Hey, I was wrong."

I was wrong. I was wrong. And then, and he would stretch it a little bit. He said, "I was wrong when I woke up this morning." "I've been wrong at lunchtime, at dinner. I've been wrong all day," right? By that time I'm laughing and I'm like, "Yes, you were wrong." Yeah, right. Right. But, but I'm wrong, too, right? Yeah. And the thing about it is if you can go away silently and pray to your God openly, He will fix the hearts of both of you.

Yes. And by the time you come back together, it is not a big issue. God has worked it out. So, uh, and even if you are in the smiling at stages and you disagree on something, one of the things that I learned in [00:09:00] marriage enrichment, which I think is one of the most important things to, to learn as you even embark upon wanting to say I do, is that when you disagree, it does not necessarily mean that one person is right or one person is wrong.

What it means is that you have not yet reached God's best answer. Right. And so you gotta work together to get to God's best for you. Right. And when you get there, that's the answer that God wants you as a couple to have, and that's where you will move in the unit and move in unity. So, um, we're not trying to discourage you.

We're not trying to say, you know, "Don't do it." We're saying that it is hard work, and marriage is not for the faint of heart. No. But if you will make God first- Mm-hmm ... He can keep some peace and some love and some joy in the marriage all the way. Yeah. And it helps if you listen with a pure heart- Mm-hmm ... and have pure thoughts towards, uh, towards each other, and that way we'll get the best solution.

And remember this, this is so important, [00:10:00] especially if you're already married. Please hear my heart. Conflicts of opinion are not negative if we seek God for the best answer. Mm-hmm. In other words, always seek what's best. Always seek not who's right- Mm ... but seek what's right. Seek what God would have us to do.

And most of the time, you get the very best solution out of conflicts of opinion because one person is giving their honest opinion of what they think, and the other person chimes in and give their honest opin- opinion of what they think is best. And then you come together and you make a decision, and that's when God is maximized 'cause He's all up in the mix of it.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And that's when you get the best answer, and that's when all things will work together for good because you are the called of God. And God will work it together for good when we love Him, [00:11:00] when we acknowledge Him, when we seek Him, and we, when we really honestly, with open, honest hearts and true love and compassion towards our mate, seek to do what is best for our marriage, for our family, for our relationship.

You can get the best out of a conflict of opinion. Mm-hmm. Don't ever think that a conflict of opinion is bad or that it's really negative and hopeless, because you often get your best out of those conflicts. Mm-hmm. And no one thinks exactly like you. Yes. And no one should. Uh, we, we had a meeting this week and, and one of the, uh, pastors shared in the meeting, "I don't want anybody else in the world just like me.

I'm enough for myself to deal with. Sometimes I don't even like me." So, you know, we can't expect our, our loved one or even our prospect to think exactly like us on every aspect. Yes. But if we can have a, an [00:12:00] open and honest discussion- Mm-hmm ... about some things, we can see things from a different perspective other than the one we have.

Just because we have the perspective doesn't mean we're right. Mm-hmm. It just means that's our perspective. Mm-hmm. But when we learn someone else's perspective, particularly someone that you want to enter into a lifetime institution with- Mm-hmm ... then, you know, you're, you should be able to see another way.

Yeah. Uh, and somewhere in the midst of it all, you, you know, God guides the two of you to His best, uh, answer to whatever your situation is. Uh, but know this, we want you to be successful. Yes. Mrs. Cherry is sharing Her hard work with us- Yeah ... freely on this podcast until you buy the book. Where you will get all the real details, the ins and outs.

Mm-hmm. But she's put the work in. Yes. Uh, because she loves you, and she loves God, and God is trying to [00:13:00] communicate with you. Mm-hmm. For some of you, you're about to accept a proposal. For some of you, you already have. Some of you are already married. Some of you are trying to figure out, "If I even want to be married."

But all of this information is about God's love for you- Yes. Yes ... so that you might make the best decision for the life that He's entrusted to you. Yes. And, uh, we're not-- We don't want you to not get married. We want you to get married. We just want you to get married prepared, with an open heart, knowing it won't be easy, but it's possible.

Mm-hmm. And it can be so much fun. And if we have proper stewardship over our marriages, stewardship is what? God's plan to fulfill our lives. Mm-hmm. We take proper stewardship over our marriages, we will have fulfilled lives. Marriage is a state where we should live the most fulfilled existence in the natural realm.

God has given us marriage, and He wants [00:14:00] us to enjoy it. He does not want us to be fighting and l- laboring and struggling constantly in the marriage, but just to enjoy. Enjoy the fact that God has blessed you to have stewardship over one of His creations, and you can work together and develop a, a family that would be a family after God's own heart.

We love you. Amen. We love you. And that brings us to the end of this podcast, and we will pick you up on our next one. In the meantime, listen, re-listen- Yes ... and share. Yes. Listen to the podcast, re-listen to the podcast, and share. Amen. All right, we love you. Love you. God bless.