Introduction
Welcome to another episode of the Teachable Woman Podcast with Reverends Michele Owes and Diana P. Cherry, teachers of good things. In this episode of the About Marriage series, the conversation turns to a subject that is often misunderstood: submission in marriage.
Using Ephesians 5:21—“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God”—Rev. Michele and Rev. Diana explore what biblical submission really means and how it can create protection, peace, respect, and unity within marriage. They also discuss the importance of communication, premarital counseling, recognizing potential irritants before marriage, allowing God to work in a spouse's life, and learning to pursue what is right rather than who is right.
With humor, personal stories, biblical principles, and practical marriage wisdom, this episode encourages couples to examine themselves, honor one another, seek godly counsel, and give God room to work.
Show Note 1: Understanding Biblical Submission
Submission is often viewed negatively, especially when it is understood as one person controlling or dominating another. Rev. Michele explains that biblical submission is not about being “bossed around” or living under someone's thumb. Ephesians 5:21 calls believers to submit to one another in the fear of God.
The discussion reframes submission as a willingness to be under appropriate protection and to consider the needs and requests of one's spouse. Marriage requires two people who are willing to put God's Word over their personal preferences, attitudes, and reactions.
Submission means asking: What does God require of me? What does my spouse need from me? What can I do differently so that our home can be more peaceful?
When both husband and wife submit themselves to God and to one another, the goal is not control—it is peace, order, protection, and mutual consideration.
Show Note 2: The Protection of a Godly Husband
Rev. Michele shares a deeply personal reflection about the protection she experienced during her marriage and how much she misses it following the death of her husband. She describes protection not simply as physical protection, but also as the protection that comes through prayer, presence, wisdom, and attention to the details of everyday life.
Rev. Diana shares a similar experience, emphasizing the comfort of knowing that her husband prayed for her and their family.
The conversation highlights an important aspect of marriage: sometimes protection comes through small, almost invisible acts. Rev. Michele recalls how her husband could communicate with her through something as subtle as a look or a slight shake of his head. She understood that he was telling her it was time to end a conversation with one of their young adult children.
Rather than publicly correcting or embarrassing her, he quietly helped her recognize when to step back.
This becomes a beautiful example of mutual understanding and submission—a husband providing loving guidance and a wife recognizing and responding to it.
Show Note 3: Respect, Love, and the Power of Our Words
Rev. Michele and Rev. Diana emphasize that respect and love are essential to a healthy marriage. They caution couples against name-calling, cursing, disrespectful tones, eye-rolling, and other behaviors that can gradually damage the relationship.
Rev. Michele compares hurtful words to toothpaste squeezed from a tube: once the toothpaste is out, you can put some of it back, but you cannot get all of it back.
The words spoken in marriage matter.
The hosts explain that respect gives love longevity. A wife is instructed to reverence, or respect, her husband, while a husband is instructed to love his wife. They also point out that love and respect often reinforce each other. When a wife feels genuinely loved and treated with kindness, she is more likely to respond positively.
The episode encourages both spouses to take responsibility for their own part rather than demanding that the other person change first.
You cannot control your spouse, but you can control your own words, attitude, behavior, and response.
Show Note 4: You Cannot Change Your Spouse—But You Can Change Yourself
One of the central lessons of this episode is that husbands and wives cannot remake each other into the person they believe they need.
Rev. Michele reminds listeners that what we think we need in a spouse may not actually be what we need. Instead, couples must allow God to work in both people.
This requires patience and humility.
Rather than trying to fix, mold, or control a husband or wife, each person should ask God to work within them. Personal change can influence the atmosphere of the marriage and can create room for God to work in the other spouse.
The hosts also encourage couples to stop focusing on who is right and instead focus on what is right.
There is no prize for winning an argument. The real reward comes when both spouses pursue what is right according to God...
